An Introspective Look at "My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness"

'SUP, NERDS?

The candy-striped cover of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness caught my eye this summer. In that moment I knew I had to get my hands on this manga. My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness is the most relatable story I've read in a long time-- minus the lesbian part. Please allow me to explain how it came into my life at the right time.

tldr; MLEWL

Author and artist, Nagata Kabi, uses this manga as a reflection of her depression and how social anxiety impacts her life. Nagata begins the narrative after high school:


Nagata dropped out of college quickly and worked a slew of part-time jobs, in hopes of being unconditionally accepted by others. Her depression spiraled and it became difficult to even hold a part time job. Over some 10 years it took Nagata to find herself by stepping out of her shell and admitting she really wants to make manga and that she fancies women. A little braver than before, Nagata hires an escort and divulges the details of losing her virginity and the joy of accepting herself.

It's Not About Sex

Although Nagata and I come from completely different backgrounds, I feel like we completely understand each other. She managed to achieve her goal of making the story relatable by keeping every bit honest. If a detail is a little fuzzy, she tells the reader and moves onto what she does recall about her past.

Putting the soft art aside, I found myself sharing in Nagata's pain through her words. This isn't a story about being a lesbian or experiencing a slew of mental health illnesses-- it's rather a tale of a woman with a prolonged coming of age. My heart ached and I admittedly cried nearly the entire time I spent reading this book.

Select Passages That Spoke to Me

Although I try not to get deeply personal with this blog, I think it's best to exercise some self-reflection in order to be honest, like Nagata, for myself and you too, of course. Throughout this entry, I selected a pages that I feel comfortable sharing and elaborating how it relates to my life now.

For a while now I've felt unloved-- which I realize is clearly not true. If you found yourself reading this blog, you're more than likely a friend of mine supporting my creative efforts. Thank you. I appreciate it.You are so precious to me.

I want to make all of you happy. I'll do anything for you, provided you are my friend. But I really can't promise that anymore. In the process of trying to please the world, I've compromised my own happiness. I haven't been the real me in a long time.

Somehow I was brainwashed by the world when I graduated high school and thought that in order to become a respectable person I had to follow a certain path to be happy. I chose a very comfortable route. I'm tired of being comfortable.

It wasn't until earlier this year I identified that I've left good bits of my soul behind to feel safe. That sucks. To retrieve bits of my soul, I've been making huge changes in order to improve my everything.

By changing nearly everything, I'm the happiest I've been in ages. I can't remember the last time I've felt this free. I removed myself from the magnifying glass of society from which I was being burnt under by the sun of shitty expectations. Taking small strides to learn to love myself and work on what I  want to do has lead to a major improvement in both my physical and mental health.

It wasn't until about a month ago that I figured out I didn't love myself. And I've been working hard to correct that. I want to be the kind of person I looked up to when I was a child. That seems to be the right path no map can guide me through.

So, yeah. I love you. And hopefully you'll keep loving me as I be me. I think I'm starting to find my own sweet nectar.

LATER, DWEEBS!

I promise the next entry won't be so depressing. I'll go back to being a cheerful, Loverly Liz.