Star Wars Episode III: Rebound of the Sillygoose

'SUP, NERDS?!

Much to my joy, I finally finished the shitty Star Wars prequel trilogy. Since Episode II wasn't too bad, I was actually a bit excited to delve into III. It is certainly the strongest prequel entry when it comes to conflict and action.

THE GOOD

I hadn't realized the immense gap between the prequel films until I had to fact check myself while writing these blogs, referring to both the Wookieepedia and IMDb. They were released three years apart from each other, which is comparatively slow to current film franchises with multiple movies released within a year.

There was something about Grievous that struck me as cool... not quite sure what it is though.

The CGI drastically improves in Episode III, which was just enough for me feel emerged during various action sequences. One of the most dazzling sequences being when General Grievous wields and twirls four lightsabers. Moments like this felt like a real Star Wars movie to me, even if it's far from being an authentic entry to the saga.

Another awesome scene is when Mace Windu fights Palpatine. I wouldn't necessarily consider it good scene, but rather it's funny. Palpatine's rapid transformation into the wicked Darth Sidious is delightfully cartoonish, especially when Mace is disposed by "Palpa-dious" with such delight. I'm humored by Samuel L Jackson's plight to be put in the new trilogy, especially after how Mace Windu was ridiculously killed.

THE BAD

The only problem with the awesome graphics of Episode III is that I think George Lucas took the liberty to add scenes for the sake of using said graphics. I was particularly peeved by Obi-Wan and Anakin's duel. It could have taken half the time to create an epic fight for the sake of coolness and make the point that Obi-Wan feels like he failed Anakin and his inner-turmoil and ultimate decision to slay him.

All flash and very little substance.

Graphics aside, it makes no sense that the Jedi Council would be so willing to give Anakin to aide Palpatine in the first place, especially when they fear Palpatine has ulterior motives. The council allows Anakin, who they've always feared would be susceptible of going to the darkside, to spy on a shady politician... For Jedi to be so highly revered by society, they are sure wise enough purposefully not-purposefully fall prey to the Sith!

THE UGLY

Everything about Padme's pregnancy is wrong. I was unconvinced that she was bearing twins, especially since she doesn't look like she is 40-something weeks pregnant for even one baby. Not to mention, the poor girl was downgraded to some awful pregnancy gowns. Nobody should watch the birthing scene without a hazmat suit and welding mask, the cringe is that strong. I thought Padme was an intelligent woman, but she died because she was disappointed in a dumb boy.

Speaking of dumb boys, I've concluded that Anakin is a mega-bitch. Why is it necessary for him to kill all those widdle Jedi Younglings? I understand he is supposed to be the epitome of cruelty and you could argue that this is another demonstration of his evil, but if Palpatine isn't directly killing children, who is more wicked? For many people to consider Star Wars a family-driven franchise, the purposeful death of children in the prequels makes me uncomfortable since it feels awfully gratuitous.

IN CONCLUSION

Episode III has both its good and bad moments, but it could have been just a half hour shorter and I would have had a much better experience. When it came to the third act, I was bored and starting to doze off because nothing happened for the sake of visual effects.

I do appreciate Anakin's rebirth as Darth Vader juxtaposed with Padme's death and the birthing Leia and Luke, despite it being the worst scene of the movie. Hopefully, I'm not over analyzing the prequel series... but I think Anakin's downfall is from a succession of poor decisions because he's awful at managing interpersonal relations. I guess he was too weak to become a Jedi because WOMEN ARE THE TRUE SOURCE OF EVIL!!!!!!! That is George Lucas's true message from the prequel trilogy he wishes to impart upon the masses.

Next time I get to pick apart Rogue One as I continue to chronicle my first-time Star Wars experience. Let's hope I'm doing this Star Wars thing the right way..!

LATER, DWEEBS!

Loverly Liz