Star Wars Episode I: The Pathetic Movie

'SUP, NERDS?!

Every nerd I've encountered is shocked that I haven't watched the Star Wars films. I made a deal with a friend to endure these films not only as friendship exercise, but as a way to expand my horizons. Today marks the first entry chronicling an outsider's first Star Wars experience.

Why I haven't watched Star Wars

I would be totally open to a watching
Star Wars anime... imagine how
cool the art would be!

Okay, I've seen Episode IV, but it was forced upon me as a film class assignment. It was actually quite enjoyable and I appreciate its cultural significance & historical film value. However, it did not burn this innate desire for me to continue watching the saga.

Aside from Star Wars not being my cup of tea, I don't appreciate being called a "Japanophile" (this is just one, nicer name I've been called) just because I like anime. These insults came from my peers growing up and by middle-aged men who perpetually jack off to Star Wars, Star Trek and D&D... That certainly disinterested me from ever wanting to delve into the Holy Grail of American nerd-culture. Pissy fans turn me off of lots of media.

The Good

I'm very well aware that George Lucas received a lot of flack for the prequel trilogy, so my expectations were set very low for Episode I. It was surprisingly much better than I imagined.

Pickin' up dem queens like a boss-ass bitch.

Young Anakin is the highlight of the film. I totally felt for him and his mother, hoping they would both be freed from slavery. The pod-race is definitely the most interesting part of the movie-- I like the Wacky Races vibe from it. I'm curious to see where Padme and Anakin's relationship goes as well, because there is quite a bit of uncomfortable sexual tension from these children (er, I guess Padme is a teen).

Padme/Queen Amidala is pretty cool. I really dig the concept of a "warrior princess" and liked that she was a part of the action. Not to mention, I love her costume design. Although she was disguised for a good portion of the film, all of the queen's clothing is intricate and amazing. I've only seen a few brave enough to cosplay Amidala and they do a phenomenal job, especially styling their wigs.

Her outfits are so beautiful... This is one part of the prequel
trilogy they definitely did right!

As an outsider, I'm quite confused because I've never heard of Qui-Gon Jinn until I watched Episode I. In my humble opinion, I dub him the "hot" Jedi. I'm in the vast minority because apparently everyone likes Ewan McGregor as double rat-tailed young Obi-Wan. Gross.

The Bad

Given that this was filmed in the 90s, the computer graphics are pretty basic. I don't want to rag on the film for being too sterile or fake-looking, but I'm disappointed that nearly everything is created from CGI. I absolutely adore practical effects, which is probably what I like about Episode IV the most.

Aside from all of the aliens and settings pulled directly from the uncanny valley, the story is super boring... I don't feel like I was given much reason to care about the trade embargo, the politics and the universe these events affect. Just lots of talking... it felt like a loop of repeating the same information in slightly different ways which built up to a few minutes of Darth Maul being evil... then dying.

I thought Darth Maul was in the other films because he seemed so hyped by fans. The poor sucker barely got any screen time. One last comment, which is a trivial complaint: Why kill off Qui-Gon Jinn???? He was the cool Jedi... so we lost two of the most interesting characters in what is claimed to be the worst Star Wars film.

The Ugly

Who thought Jar Jar was a good idea?

IN CONCLUSION

Episode I is pretty cringy... it doesn't know what it wants to be. It seems like it is a children's movie for one moment with some fart jokes but them it delves into the senate with politicians discussing something a child won't understand until they're 30 and have an opinion as to how their taxes are spent.

Tune in next week with my thoughts about Episode II.

LATER, DWEEBS!

Loverly Liz

"Mary and the Witch's Flower" Thoughts

'SUP, NERDS?!

I've been living in the movie theatre, hitting up every Fathom Event that could possibly exist during the month of January. Although I'm only now starting to feel some film fatigue, I had to see Mary and the Witch's Flower on the big screen, making it my 4th visit to Regal in a week.

Mary is Studio Ponoc's debut film. Studio Ghibli hasn't produced any animated films since 2014, which incited the formation of Ponoc by young ex-Ghibli employees. It wasn't until recently that I've noticed Ghibli's neglect to release something new. At least in America, I've also noticed a huge push in merchandise and special showings of fan-favorite Miyazaki films.

Perhaps Ghibli is spending their sweet time to plan an amusement park? Who knows. I'm glad Ponoc is continuing the legacy and bringing us more quality entertainment.

Can we throw a little love towards Porco Rosso??
It seems to be often forgotten by Ghibli fans...

Frankenfilm

My general impression of Mary and the Witch's Flower is that Studio Ponoc took many aspects from a bunch of amazing movies and mooshed it into one. They certainly brought a lot of Studio Ghibli with them, looking at the character and background designs.

They took elements of Kiki's Delivery Service, Castle in the Sky and Howl's Moving Castle but turned it into Harry Potter. I don't think this necessarily means there is a lack of originality, but I like to think of Mary as Ponoc's own form of cultural assimilation. I do have expectations that their next film will be a little bit more of their own.

A Rarity

What I really liked about Mary is that the entire piece is well-balanced in various ways. As a firm believer in traditional, hand-drawn animation, Mary was able to create an illusion that the entire movie was hand-drawn.

There are a handful of effects that I could distinguish as computer graphics, but it didn't distract or look out of place. There were probably a dozen more bits that I didn't even catch, but the gratuitous use of or poor quality computer graphics certainly can ruin an animated picture.

Technically a Children's Movie...

I was a bit skeptical going into Mary because it was heavily advertised as a children's movie. The thought of kids crawling everywhere around me as I watch a cartoon is horrific! Luckily, there was only one family and their children were more amusing than anything. It was great to see one kid telling their weeb parents, "Mama, I'm getting tired. Can I go to bed?" and the other, "Is this real?" during a dark scene, proceeding to sob.

If I recall correctly, it was during this scene that kid started crying...

If you want a plot summary, I'm not going to bother. You have Google. As a children's movie Mary is equally fun to watch as an adult. Usually children's movies feel very preachy and their messages are forced, but I think Mary's messages were subtle and quite agreeable.

The Messages

I sat after the credits to watch the studio's commentary and it's like we read each other's mind. Ponoc states that their main goal was to create an antagonist that isn't inherently evil, someone with a different perspective that didn't match Mary's. Madame Mumblechook and Dr. Dee never express any sort of bad intent and are simply focused on creating a better magic college with this rare flower. Perhaps the power of the witch's flower twisted their hearts as they obsessed over it for many years, but their goals always remain clear.

On a related note, I'm really glad she ended up saving a boy...
I like to call them "handsome in distress"

Mary overcomes her low self-esteem as she acquires temporary magical powers from the flower. Early in the film, she consistently rags on how she has no discernible talent and how awful her hair is. We get to see Mary's confidence grow and ego swell as she is deemed "prodigious witch" by the college.

As she realizes her magic is temporary, Mary waits for the right opportunity to use it and relies on her human sensibilities to persevere. I think the film portrays a message that you can be great by trusting your instinct and own abilities.

Worth It

Even though most adults would be turned off by an animated children's movie and many anime fans criticize it for being too similar to Studio Ghibli's films, Mary and the Witch's Flower is worth your time. Never did it feel childish or immature, the story is solid and the characters all have interesting personalities and clear motives. It's a beautiful animated film in en era where "animated" means CGI by default.

Mary beckons you to watch her film!

My only complaints come down to weird weeaboo issues I have. The story is based off of Mary Stewart's children's novel The Little Broomstick. Studio Ponoc kept the setting in England like the novel, however I felt there were a few interactions between the characters that I felt were more culturally Japanese than English-- a minor claim that's not worth debating.

Have any of you gotten around to watching Mary and the Witch's Flower? Do you feel it's too similar to any Ghibli films? Any particular characters you love or hate?

LATER, DWEEBS!

Loverly Liz

Tommy Wiseau Mania

OH HAI, NERDS!

With the release of The Disaster Artist, Tommy Wiseau and The Room have been the center of mainstream Hollywood discussion. I've been waiting a couple years for The Disaster Artist to release, giddy with excitement the moment I heard the Francos and Seth Rogan would be involved.

Can you tell the difference? ;-)

I had a wonderful opportunity to see both films recently n the theatre, which is a totally different experience than I ever would have had at home.

Far from an actual Disaster

The Disaster Artist is damn hilarious. I went with one of my buddies who is loves The Room and can recite pretty much the entire film. We seriously both lost our shit.

I rarely watch something and have a physical reaction to what I see on the screen. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is the first movie that made me rock in my chair, giggle and hoot throughout the entire duration of the film... The Disaster Artist not only gave me a similar reaction, but I woke up the next morning with cramps.

James Franco makes a better Tommy Wiseau than Tommy Wiseau himself. The characterization of Tommy and Greg is definitely dramatic and poking fun of both of these real people, but I feel that The Room is celebrated and honored despite all of the goofs and gaffs.

Although Tommy says that 99.9% of the movie is true, we'll never know exactly what happened while The Room was filmed... but I'm glad that Tommy and Greg were such good sports about The Disaster Artist, which is definitely helping popularize them out of cult-status.

Seeing it on the Big Screen

A young man "cosplayed" Johnny and I
lost my mind. I guess it was his football?

I've always wanted to see The Room with an audience. Yeah, I've watched it a million times with my friends throughout college, getting rowdy and making drinking games of it. And holy crap. I seriously didn't expect anyone to actually bring spoons to the theatre.

I brought an innocent victim a friend who has never seen The Room before, stating to him that it's "the best drama you'll ever watch." I certainly didn't "trick" him into joining me, but I couldn't tell if I put him through the most miserable or most mystical experience of his life.

At the theatre, I saw someone dress up just like Johnny, people shared spoons for tossing and someone even brought a football and threw it whenever the on-screen boys played catch. I had the honor of throwing the ball during the credits, nearly knocking the popcorn out of a quiet couple's lap.

My reaction to the film wasn't as violent as seeing The Disaster Artist, but I was laughing nearly the entire time, peaking over to see my friend's reaction. I felt the need to shield his poor eyes during the sex scenes and hold his hands during peak drama. He really needed my support.

The Boys Live On...

My friend and I had a pretty deep discussion about The Room after his first viewing and we mutually agreed that it was overall a straightforward film. However, neither of us can pin the location or  setting of the movie... Do any of you have an actual clue?

Anyway, Wiseau and Sestero released a film titled Best F(r)iends last year that's going to hit mainstream theatres with limited showings soon. Do you plan to see this two-parter? I heard a little bit about this movie before, but I'm definitely plan to see provided a local theatre is running it!

O BYE, NERDS!

Loverly Liz

It's a Christmas Cop Out

Although I was pissed,
the acting was great.

'SUP, NERDS?!

I've finally gotten around to watching It's a Wonderful Life, which is revered as one of the best Christmas movies of all time. It plays on television around this time of year and I've never given it much attention because it was always just there.

On Christmas Eve I was alone and figured it would be a fun night to see it on the big screen. The film really engrossed me until the 3rd act when the angel intervened during George Bailey's suicide attempt. I left the theatre upset because the entire tone of the film turned too quickly. I think the ending is a bit of a cop out.

The 3rd Act Didn't Fit

I would classify It's a Wonderful Life as both a comedy and drama. The drama stems from George's desires and failure to follow through with his plans and the comedy mostly from everyone around him. It's fair to expect both cheer and bitter-sweetness in a Christmas movie, but there wasn't a good transition from a realistic drama to super naturalism.

The moment Clarence the angel is introduced, I felt the entire film cheapened. Minutes prior, I was crying as I felt George's dread to suddenly cocking my head.in confusion as Frank Capra pulled the emergency breaks on a deeply meaningful moment for our disturbed, suicide-driven protagonist. I almost wished we got to see George die and perhaps have a conversation with himself or God to help transition to the super natural element of the film.

Forced Values

George sacrificed everything that would have made him happy to support those around him, which in turn paid off during his darkest moment. I both agree and disagree with the values of this film, but it is overall too chipper for my tastes.

There is literally nothing wrong with marrying and having a family. However, I think George was never meant to be a family man. He resisted Mary as a child, both after high school and college graduation and even on the day of their wedding! What Mary likes that he is a good man, but I don't think his heart was ever fully in the relationship. Also, did George only agree to have children to make Mary happy??

Is George really a family man??

George consistently expresses his desire to travel and forget about Bedford Falls. He only wants experience just a small bit of freedom but never allowed himself to actually pursue his dreams. The ending of It's a Wonderful Life upset me because I see it as an acceptance of mediocrity. It only indicates that George will forever be stuck in his town, running Building & Loan until he dies. I don't think that's what he truly wants... but as a people-pleaser, he's going to let everyone boss him around until his end.

Although I disagree with how family and community values are presented in this film, I do wholeheartedly agree with Clarence's note he leaves George: "Remember no man is a failure who has friends." George is socially wealthy by having so many people around him, who have his back. His life didn't turn out the way he ever wanted, but at least he has an entire community behind him.

No Consequences, No Rewards

Who can lose $8000 in the 1940s, let alone today????

I think the ending of It's a Wonderful Life would drastically improve if someone learned a lesson as for there are no consequences or rewards. George is the only person rewarded with friendship, but Uncle Billy and Potter, the culprits of completely screwing George, don't have any solid conclusion.

Although Uncle Billy is a forgetful, but well-intentioned character, he is never reprimanded or demerited for his constant mishaps at Building & Loan. Good-guy George blames himself and doesn't follow up with Billy's dumb-assery.

As George's enemy, Mr. Potter nearly manages to sabotage George's entire life, but there is nothing to prove he is going to stop his dastardly activities. Do the police investigate and crack down on Potter stealing George's cash? Does he continue to own the town? Potter doesn't receive any sort of punishment or any acknowledgement at the end of the film, which is quite a let down. No retribution.

Bedford Falls will become a Pottersville with the ending we got.

In my opinion, the best ending would result in Potter being taught the values of the community in a way he is able to open his heart. This in addition to the townsfolk giving George and his family enough money to pay the bank and enough to send them off on a vacation. George needs a break from his work and really deserves to travel for once...

Signing Out for the New Year,

Alrighty, peeps. I hope you all had a good 2017. Please have a wonderful 2018. More blogs will be coming your way, always soliciting my ridiculous opinions.

My final question to you... what is the BEST Christmas movie? I'd say it's Die Hard, but what do I know? I didn't like It's a Wonderful Life with it's cheesy ending.

LATER, DWEEBS!

Loverly Liz

"Justice League" Was Good. COME AT ME, BRO!

'SUP, NERDS?!

I'm not a huge fan of superhero movies. Nu-uh. Batman is the extent of my liking. The rest are... not very enjoyable. I may be harsh on superhero movies, I do like the DC universe. Occasionally I'll pick up the comics. I've had interest in watching all of the films preceding Justice League but haven't gotten around to it yet.

I intended to see a special showing of Howl's Moving Castle a couple weeks ago and invited a friend out... but I lost my marbles and mixed up the day. We ended up seeing Justice League because why not? Initially, I resisted since I haven't seen the recent DC movies, but overall Justice League brought *ahem* justice to both women and those new to the DC movie franchise.

My Beef with "The Avengers"

I'm erecting my flame shield:

I hated The Avengers. I thought it was boring, I didn't know what was happening and I didn't like the heroes. With so many characters, I didn't understand the history of anyone and I felt there wasn't much context of what happened in the previous films. Before I ever saw The Avengers I tried to watch the Iron Man movies a few times and fell asleep on multiple occasions.

Let's not forget that Black Widow sucks as a super heroine in the Marvel movie franchise. She didn't serve any purpose beyond being a hot piece of ass. Can someone tell me if she has any superpowers??? I'm so confused because it seems her superpower is only being the token female.

Character Introduction

Although I love Batman for it's darkness and quirkiness, I expected Justice League to be campy like any superhero movie (which isn't my style) but there was no plot confusion. Going into the movie knowing virtually nothing, it's immediately established that Superman is dead, emphasizing the grief of losing such a paragon.

Negative: not enough
Supermanin this movie.

Batman v. Superman is summarized in the first few minutes. Good. I'm caught up. Wonder Woman is the only other hero with a feature length film. Unfortunately I couldn't really collect what happened during her movie. I can forgive that since I didn't feel lost during her development. The most welcoming aspect of Justice League is the introduction of new characters.

The Flash made a few brief appearances prior to Justice League whereas Cyborg and Aquaman make their official debut. I think Cyborg has the most intriguing story of any of the heroes due to the pressure from his father, who pushes Cyborg's ability and blends the boundaries of humanity and machinery. The Flash is well explained when Batman recruits him. His personality shines as he twitches and fumbles during this exchange. Aquaman is a mysterious character because he refuses recruitment, but I think he is being saved for his own film set to be released in 2018.

Inclusion

I'm tired of the male gaze and the bullshit gender politics of Hollywood. Justice League pleased me because I felt included in superhero culture, which I've always considered to be a boys club. On the surface level, Justice League is not shy when it comes to showcasing handsome men (which is basically the entire movie). Aquaman is definitely the biggest hunk of meat to hit the screen, usually shirtless.

Both costume sets are cool... so why are we arguing over this?

Probably the biggest controversy is the Amazons' costume change between Wonder Woman and Justice League, where they wear skimpier outfits. People are pointing fingers at Zach Snyder for feeding patriarchy-- that the Amazon's are more exposed because a man directed the film. Let's be real, I wasn't a bit distracted by their costumes nor did I feel the women were sexualized in any manner. After comparing the Wonder Women costumes, I thought the Justice League costumes nicely showcased the Amazons' muscles.

There is sexual tension between Batman and Wonder Woman, but I think it played off well. One particular scene I loved was after a battle when Batman is taking off his gear. Wonder Woman enters and you think she's going to help remove it to only grab his arm from behind. She *twists & cracks* his poor back instead.

The two spend a lot of time together out of costume.

I'm not sure how deep their relationship will go in the future of the DC film franchise, but the moments shared between Batman and Wonder Woman were more funny & sweet than they were cringey. I love that Wonder Woman was not used solely as Batman's object of desire. She managed to equally contribute, if not prove herself to be more useful than other members of the Justice League. Wonder Woman even admits she was passive earlier in the film, which she realizes is weakness within the group. She embraces her power and asserts herself more by the time they revive Superman.

Self Awareness

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the awkward duck
of the Justice League.

Justice League is not only a well constructed action film, but self-referential and knows what it is. From the flood of Batman jokes to jabs at Aquaman, Justice League winks at the audience. It knows when to be cool and when to be corny. It is a well balanced movie that never took itself too seriously, but was still intense. That's a big part of why I like it.

It's not a perfect movie, but only a few things bothered me. There was too much blatant product placement, which takes away from almost any film. Nobody likes product placement.

Also, I heard Superman had a mustache?

What are your feelings? Did you enjoy Justice League?

If you were a character in the Justice League, who would you be? Ideally I'd like to consider myself Wonder Woman (my affinity for the Bat plays into this too)... but I'm totally the Flash when it comes to this movie. He's super awkward, dweeby and underestimates himself only to totally save everyone's asses.

LATER, DWEEBS!

Loverly Liz

Johnny is the Reason I Cosplay

'SUP, NERDS?!

It's been a while since I've discussed cosplay. How awkward, considering I started this blog with the sole purpose of discussing the subject. It has also been a million years since I've sewed something. This could be due to being busy graduating college or moving across the country... but a lot of it has to do with glamour, vanity and self-esteem involved with cosplaying.

The Fear and Pressure of Dressing Up

This isn't  a well sewn dress...
but I made it, so that's cool.

I've been a little afraid to cosplay over the last year or so. I was frustrated because someone near to me consistently told me that cosplay was too expensive and made me feel it wasn't worth my time or effort. I asked for help with my projects and was left with little enthusiasm. Today I still consider myself a n00b-level seamstress. The fiscal pressure made me feel like I couldn't sew anything without the expectation of the clothing coming out perfect.

When I cosplay, I literally become whatever I want and feel the prettiest in the room-- even during the lowest peaks of my self-esteem I became a queen for a night.

Although it should be celebrated, I'm really bothered by the uprising of "thicc" cosplayers in the mainstream. It wasn't cool to be chubby or have a big butt years ago. It's refreshing to see bigger girls get the recognition they deserve, however female cosplayers of all shapes sexualize themselves and I think it is distasteful.

Aware of my own assets, I felt I wasn't good enough to be a "thicc" cosplayer. Thoughts like "Are my boobs big enough?" or "omg how do I afford a little bit of lipo with my insurmountable school debt?" were trapped in my head these past couple years. The toxicity of money and sex-appeal ate my cosplaying spirit.

I am so sick of thicc...

Just a Bit Character

The hours I slave over cosplay are recognized when I'm complimented. My last entirely homemade cosplay didn't get much buzz, which totally bummed me out at ACen last year.

Hnnnnghhhh why am I so in love with Johnny?? Is it the cape?

I cut week of classes prior to ACen 2016 in order to make Johnny, who is just a guy featured in a single episode of Space Dandy. As a one-shot character, he charmed me with his dashing good looks and his dream to be a rock star-- even though he's already the emperor of the most powerful army in the universe! I knew I had to replicate his glittering cape and be a she-version of Emperor Johnny.

The sparkles from the sun.

The Johnny Dilemma

Unfortunately cosplaying bit characters or creating weird interpretations of even a mainstream character nobody knows who you are. That is the Johnny Dilemma.

Proudly toting my heavy, sequined cape, I rocked Johnny upon debut. But nobody got it. Hell, I even bumped into people who were wearing the t-shirt of the band that Johnny and Dandy formed and didn't get a reaction. Oh, and actual Space Dandy cosplayers??? I don't think any of them watched the anime because nobody got my character.

Most of ACen 2016 flew by, Johnny didn't get any love from the 30000+ attendees until I browsed the vendors hall for overpriced anime. A young woman approached me from behind and stroked my cape. She stuttered, "Are... are you... Johnny?!"

The moment I uttered "yes" this woman excitedly asked for photos and exclaimed "I never thought I would ever find a Johnny."

Upon reflection and being in a better place than I was last year, I finally learned this is what cosplay is about.

Eradicating the Johnny Dilemma

Although the characters I cosplay are extremely niche or are taken in a unique direction, the people you meet matter more than the vanity or competition. I don't get a ton of attention at convention for my cosplay, but the interactions and relationships I've built as a result of bonding over a character or piece of media is invaluable.

I found the right people by cosplaying things dear to me.
My buddy, Aeron, is dressed as Space Dandy from Anime Midwest 2016.
We had such a broment when we bumped into each other.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be sexy and cosplay either. I've determined that if I'm going to make a sexy cosplay, it's for me, not to impress and garner the attention of anyone else. All of the outfits I make are for me to express my love of some cartoon, comic, game or movie.

Revisiting Old Cosplay & Looking to the Future

I want to make my Johnny cosplay again... I want to remake all of my old cosplay, I harbor so many good feelings for these characters and want to take what I've learned and improve. Hopefully I can go into remaking and creating new costumes with the spirit of community and friendship that I hadn't recognized before.

Cosplay is meant to be fun. Take pride in every piece you make or buy. Embrace the character and what attracts you to that imagery or personality. I really can't wait to show you what I'm working on right now. I'm in the middle of a few new costumes, all at various stages. My goal is to debut 2 or 3 solid cosplays by the time ACen 2018 rolls around.

Love you guys. Have fun.

LATER, DWEEBS!

-Loverly Liz

An Introspective Look at "My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness"

'SUP, NERDS?

The candy-striped cover of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness caught my eye this summer. In that moment I knew I had to get my hands on this manga. My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness is the most relatable story I've read in a long time-- minus the lesbian part. Please allow me to explain how it came into my life at the right time.

tldr; MLEWL

Author and artist, Nagata Kabi, uses this manga as a reflection of her depression and how social anxiety impacts her life. Nagata begins the narrative after high school:


Nagata dropped out of college quickly and worked a slew of part-time jobs, in hopes of being unconditionally accepted by others. Her depression spiraled and it became difficult to even hold a part time job. Over some 10 years it took Nagata to find herself by stepping out of her shell and admitting she really wants to make manga and that she fancies women. A little braver than before, Nagata hires an escort and divulges the details of losing her virginity and the joy of accepting herself.

It's Not About Sex

Although Nagata and I come from completely different backgrounds, I feel like we completely understand each other. She managed to achieve her goal of making the story relatable by keeping every bit honest. If a detail is a little fuzzy, she tells the reader and moves onto what she does recall about her past.

Putting the soft art aside, I found myself sharing in Nagata's pain through her words. This isn't a story about being a lesbian or experiencing a slew of mental health illnesses-- it's rather a tale of a woman with a prolonged coming of age. My heart ached and I admittedly cried nearly the entire time I spent reading this book.

Select Passages That Spoke to Me

Although I try not to get deeply personal with this blog, I think it's best to exercise some self-reflection in order to be honest, like Nagata, for myself and you too, of course. Throughout this entry, I selected a pages that I feel comfortable sharing and elaborating how it relates to my life now.

For a while now I've felt unloved-- which I realize is clearly not true. If you found yourself reading this blog, you're more than likely a friend of mine supporting my creative efforts. Thank you. I appreciate it.You are so precious to me.

I want to make all of you happy. I'll do anything for you, provided you are my friend. But I really can't promise that anymore. In the process of trying to please the world, I've compromised my own happiness. I haven't been the real me in a long time.

Somehow I was brainwashed by the world when I graduated high school and thought that in order to become a respectable person I had to follow a certain path to be happy. I chose a very comfortable route. I'm tired of being comfortable.

It wasn't until earlier this year I identified that I've left good bits of my soul behind to feel safe. That sucks. To retrieve bits of my soul, I've been making huge changes in order to improve my everything.

By changing nearly everything, I'm the happiest I've been in ages. I can't remember the last time I've felt this free. I removed myself from the magnifying glass of society from which I was being burnt under by the sun of shitty expectations. Taking small strides to learn to love myself and work on what I  want to do has lead to a major improvement in both my physical and mental health.

It wasn't until about a month ago that I figured out I didn't love myself. And I've been working hard to correct that. I want to be the kind of person I looked up to when I was a child. That seems to be the right path no map can guide me through.

So, yeah. I love you. And hopefully you'll keep loving me as I be me. I think I'm starting to find my own sweet nectar.

LATER, DWEEBS!

I promise the next entry won't be so depressing. I'll go back to being a cheerful, Loverly Liz.